Have you ever found yourself in a vicious feedback loop that seems to drain every ounce of your self-control?

How about, “I ate more chocolate cake than I should have, so I’ve already blown my diet.  I might as well eat some more.”  Or, “I already blew my budget, so I might as well keep on spending.”

When we perceive ourselves as having given in to temptation, we end up experiencing feelings of guilt, shame, self-disappointment, and loss of control.  Then, to help ourselves feel better, our brain points us in the direction of things that promise reward.  Unfortunately, the reward is often the same thing that made us feel bad in the first place.

This pattern of indulgence, regret, and greater indulgence goes by several names in psychology, including the abstinence violation effect, all-or-nothing thinking, and the “what-the-hell effect.”

Thankfully, there are several things we can do to interrupt the cycle before it spirals out of control:

(1)    Distinguish between a setback and full-blown relapse.  A setback is a temporary lapse, while relapse is an ongoing pattern of setbacks.  Remind yourself that setbacks are normal and temporary, and you can easily take small steps to get yourself back on track.

(2)    Borrow another perspective.  After you have given in to temptation, ask yourself two questions: If my best friend were beating herself up for having blown her budget, what would I say to be supportive of her?  If my best friend knew that I am beating myself up for having blown my budget, how would she gently encourage me to get refocused on my goal?

(3)    Remember the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.  People with a growth mindset understand that setbacks are a normal part of the change process, and they can use them to glean important information about the path to success!

(4)    Create a rational response to your irrational thinking.  For example, “Just because I blew my budget, it doesn’t mean that I have to continue giving in to temptation.  I can be kind and forgiving of myself and gently redirect my attention back to my money goals.”

(5)    Practice positive self-talk.  For example, give yourself a hearty “Good failure, my friend!  Failure means that you have taken on a challenge that is worth pursuing and that will be rewarding in the end.”

How do you interrupt the feedback loop of indulgence, regret, and greater indulgence?  Send your thoughts!